Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Sparks of Creativity

9/30/2014
Unpublished till 6/24/2015.

Creativity is something we all have, it doesn't matter your skills or abilities. It is the thought process we all have, it is a state of mind. How we express it is different, it is entirely emotional based. If you feel like there is a block it may be do to your uninterested in the subject, or just how you feel. Depression is the likely cause, you may feel happy one moment. But there is many kinds of depression.... Me I have been fighting loneliness my whole life, with nothing to strife for, only self challenge, feeling as no one truly ever believed in me, even filled with self doubt. Depression isn't something medicine or drugs can heal, despite what others may tell you, inside is how you feel, outside is how you show it.

It is a tunnel of the mind never ending, with time, and space being irrelevant, something that must over come  with help expressing it, and even then you may not truly over come it. Depression can seem like a endless cycle of ups and downs.... Never ending, never changing, and no matter how much changes it lingers there. Confidence is a key to some depression but false confidence is a masquerade people wear to hide themselves from the world, it is only there as long as there is no doubt in them pointed out.... You maybe asking yourself what does this have to do with creativity, my answer would be everything. If you do not challenge yourself, feel doubt in yourself, even just a little how can you ever improve? If you doubt yourself too much, put on a mask, or lock up how can you ever hope to get any better. Ignoring your problems doesn't help, it takes courage to over come problems in life, and sometimes it just isn't enough, sometimes you have to look at things from a different perspective, try things differently.  Progression, hope, despair, confidence, doubt, happy, sad, anger, it is all a state of mind, how you channel this effects your abilities, skills, and performance. I won't say it will make you a master at any craft but I will say channel it right and you very well could be on your way.

Societies demands may be different than your interests, you should never cave-in as it will fill you with nothing more than doubt. Society demands I forget that I was shoved in a corner forcefully taken drugs that inhibited me from expressing myself because of a "learning disability". They demand I accept this as my problem, they demand I take drugs for it rather than trying to work it out myself, They demand that nothing I do is my fault, despite myself aware explanation. They treat me as I am dumb as soon as they look it up in records I didn't give them permission to look into but they can because its public information because public schools share that information. They demand I accept staying at home all my life and never working despite all I have accomplished, Eagle Scout, High school diploma, Associates Degree, and they spit all over those achievements as if I didn't work for them , or accomplish them rather they assume they were given to me because I'm disabled without doing research into the label they granted me with. In classes teachers would do one of two things, give me slack for being "disabled" or try to fail me as hard as they could, more so than the "normal students" telling me I am too dumb to learn anything.

Being treated like that from teachers sure made students follow, and this treatment still goes on today. I have been a outcast my whole life, I have good reason to have self doubt, and over all depression since I was a child.

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